The hummingbird is the vampire of the flower world – submitted by Anonymous
I don’t always joke, but when I do I say BAZINGA! – submitted by cudiajane
The Lord giveth, and the Lord bloweth away – submitted by teensaxaddict
Homesick is a kind of sick – submitted by demolaydigstrains
Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it but we can’t tell dad.
Bitches be crazy. – submitted by skinny-ballerina
Real bros “Got your back Jack” – submitted by Anonymous
The Big Bang Theory taught me that nerds have a lot of sex. – submitted by saraschoice
You are orange with loneliness – submitted by dig-a-little-deeper
I’m not insane, my mother had me tested – submitted by Anonymous
Once you go nerd, you can never return. – submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
Flowcharts – submitted by lioninlondon
Nerds and muggles go well together – submitted by saraschoice
They taught me to never sit in Sheldon’s spot – submitted by werearedamnedafterall
I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad – submitted by skinny-ballerina
All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy – submitted by anonymous
Sheldon is Batman. Shhhhh. – submitted by gedanken-fetzen and Skinny-ballerina
Bros before hoes. – submitted by neprasiman
*Knock knock knock* Penny
*Knock knock knock* Penny
* Knock knock knock* Penny. – submitted by showmeareasongivemeasign
Being a nerd and yourself is okay. – submitted by stephjoy09
I do not have to urinate. I am the master of my own bladder. – submitted by skinny-ballerina
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty. Purr, purr, purr. – submitted by Anonymous
Wil Wheaton is evil. – submitted by lifeisabittersweetsymphony
A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. – submitted by neprasiman
If you mess up soft kitty, you have to start over. – submitted by Anonymous
Waitresses don’t yell at you at Big Boy. – submitted by lifeisabittersweetsymphony
What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis? Screwed. – submitted by lessthanperfect-tales
The cat is still alive. – submitted by zombieneela
When someone is upset you offer them a hot beverage. – submitted by cristinalauren and popculturenolongerappliestome
Monday: Thai
Tuesday : Cheesecake Factory
Wednesday: Halo night
Thursday: Pizza
Fridays: Chinese – submitted by myoijin
Always say “Hi Bestie” to your closest friend. – submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
Vitamins can help, but typically you’re just buying the ingredients for very expensive urine. – submitted by twistedbipolarbitch
Buying a present is a non-optional social convention. – submitted by youngheartbefreetonight
You can teach a monkey to smoke. – phyllie417
A robot’s arm is all you need. – submitted by youngheartbefreetonight
Aqua man sucks. – submitted by neprasiman
Tea is a great conversation starter. – submitted by Anonymous
You can’t order Chinese food without Wolowitz. – submitted by mrsrileyschicken
It’s perfectly logical to throw away fresh French toast when it’s oatmeal day. – submitted by branfan500
The number 73 and 5,318,008 are the best numbers in the universe. – submitted by whenthedevilcametogeorgia
When one door closes another does not open…unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved. Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door. – submitted by twistedbipolarbitch
You can’t ruin a friendship with sex. That’s like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. – submitted by yanniii
Just because you have a Justice League of America card, doesn’t mean you know batman. – submitted by swagmethatfuckoutbr0
Oh Mario…if only I could control everyone the way I control you. HOP! You little plumber! HOP! HOP! – submitted by Optimistprime
They really do have a little jail in the mall. – submitted by meepochan
Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas. – submitted by omundocontramin
Name your cat Zazzles. – submitted by juliavu
You can’t make half of a sandwich. If it’s not half of a whole sandwich, it’s just a small sandwich. – submitted by lifeisabittersweetsymphony
If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed and I would be their king. – submitted by neprasiman
Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. – submitted by youngheartbefreetonight
You can’t go bridesmaid shopping without Amy Farrah Fowler – submitted by the-girl0who-loves-youu
Dr. Sheldon Cooper B.S., M.S., Ph.D., and Sc.D. – submitted by ditzixmitzi
Sarcasm Sign. – submitted by geniusiapplaudyou
Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree. – submitted by showmeareasongivemeasign
I would if I could, but I can’t, so I shan’t. – submitted by scarlett 127
Fig Newtons are named after the town in Massachusetts, not the scientist. – submitted by ditzixmitzi
When your guest is drunk as a skunk you offer them a hot beverage. That hot beverage is to be coffee. – submitted by weakatheart
Sheldon is not a zebra, he’s the Doppler Effect. NEEEOOOOWW! – submitted by the-flying-club-cup
You’re the milk thief! – submitted by justicefreakenbeaver
Hey, qu’est ce que s’up? – submitted by thefluxvoice
Orange chicken and Tangerine chicken are completely different. – submitted by athina 1993
Sometimes Sheldon’s movements are so lifelike, you forget he’s not a real boy. – submitted by juliavu
Soft Kitty goes great with a recorder. – submitted by holyterrorbatman
When Sheldon gives you homework, you don’t have to do it. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Otherwise, it makes the rest of us look bad. – submitted by bridgeingthegap
No one calls Sheldon Moon Pie but his Meemaw. – submitted by lifeisabittersweetsymphony
Oh My God! You ran over a hobo! – submitted by www-bitchprincess
I am the ball, my thoughts are it’s thoughts, it’s holes are my holes. – submitted by neprasiman
Serapes are closed, ponchos are open to the sides. –submitted by twistedbipolarbitch
Bros before…Raj’s sister. – submitted by jitterybugjitterbug
When Albert Einstein established the theoretical foundation for the laser in his paper “Zur Quantentheorie de Strahlung”, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin’. – submitted by hogwartsishometous
If you’re afraid of insects and women, then ladybugs must render you catatonic. – submitted by justpiyoko
Shut your ass. – submitted by athannah
I’m a man of science, not someone’s snuggle buddy. – submitted by efferentsignals
I am the sword master!! – submitted by geniusiapplaudyou
The Multiplex Movie Theater is off limits because they have Twizzlers instead of Red Vines. – submitted by sane-as-a-starkid
It’s called Orinithophobia, and someday it will be recognized as a true disability and the landlord will be required by law to put a giant net over the building. – submitted by pammieomana
Bluetooth makes everything better. – submitted by starkidgalexydefender
If you don’t have a Ph.D, you can’t be taken seriously. – submitted by letthemindwonder
Wolowitz’s mother makes one hell of a brisket. – submitted by clockwork-silence
The X-Men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men. – submitted by lifeisabittersweetsymphony and vile-little-creatures
Geology isn’t a real science. – submitted by cartoonheart91
If “ifs and buts” were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas. – submitted by izzieweasley
Who doesn’t like trains? – submitted by animallover101195
If you use Sheldon’s toothbrush, he will jump out the window. – submitted by geniusiapplaudyou
Go to the Grand Canyon to scream in frustration. – submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it’s location, location, location. – submitted by Anonymous
Oh. My. Cow. – submitted by athannah
Road ways are most slippery when covered by a film of liquids sufficient to reduce to coefficient of static friction between the tires and the road to essentially zero, unless introduced to a new source of friction. – submitted by youngheartbefreetonight
The hero always peeks. – submitted by hogwartsisahometous and your2ndbrain
Three strikes and you’re banished. – submitted by theres-nopoint
Saturday night is laundry night. – submitted by ditzixmitzi
More is not merrier. If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now would we be celebrating? No, we’d be suffocating. – submitted by jahsi and mypartnerpretzels
We’re here to cheer up Koothrappali, not kill Batman. – submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
Schrodinger’s cat. – submitted by Anonymous
Amy is the girl, who is a friend, who is not Sheldon’s girlfriend. – submitted by pammieomana
102.5 Amy is the girl, who is a friend, who is not Sheldon’s girlfriend. – submitted by pammieomana
Caffeine is a dangerous drug. – submitted by makebelieveworkdsfillmyhead
Comic-con. The one place in the world where saying you owen a comic book store is an actual pick-up line. – submitted by ditzixmitzi
No cuts. No buts. No coconuts. – submitted by tcmixtape
There will always be money in Green Lantern’s ass. – submitted by athina1993
Scooter is the Aquaman of the muppet babies. –submitted by holyterrorbatman
If Albert Einstein hadn’t been such a hound dog, we’d all have time machines by now. – submitted by Shazzyb
I tawt I taw a Romulan – submitted by athannah
You don’t screw the roommate agreement, the roommate agreement screws you. – submitted by your2ndbrain
Pee for Houston, pee for Austin, pee for the state my heart got lost in…and shake twice for Texas. – submitted by tbbtshamy
Expansion started 14 billion years ago. – submitted by geniusiapplaudyou.
1234 is not a secure password. – submitted by nobodyknowsnina
Engineers are the Oompa Loompas of science. – submitted by danceismyantidrug
Don’t use a snake to scare an Indian. – submitted by christaaabelle
A dogapus is a man’s underwater best friend. – submitted by your2ndbrain
If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip. – submitted by bridgeingthegap and your2ndbrain
Cats make wonderful companions. They don’t argue or question your intellectual authority. – submitted by hopelessbookgeek
Sheldon’s favorite enzyme is lysine, not glutamine. – submitted by neshmavaddat
When Amy was 14, she severed the webbing between her own toes. – submitted by anela5
Wednesday night isn’t dancing night if you don’t do it every week. Wednesday is Halo night. – submitted by intellectualbadass101
One can get beaten up in school just by referring to oneself as “one”. – submitted by nobodyknowsnina
All 4 of Sheldon’s wisdom teeth fit comfortably in his mouth. – submitted by myoijin
Shamy. – submitted by TheBigBangTheoryFandom
If you want to get rid of a Blue Jay, all you have to do is flush it down a toilet. – submitted by mariamulder
“Come back here you stupid bird, so I can love you!” – submitted by getting-fit-for-me and pammieomana
A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge. – submitted by irishkmahoney
If there is an infinite number of parallel universes, in one of them there’s probably a Sheldon who doesn’t believe parallel universes exist. – submitted by carlyvoilet
Sheldon does have genitals. They are functional and aesthetically pleasing. – submitted by your2ndbrain, pammieomana, and bridgingthegap
When Sheldon watches “Frosty the Snowman”, he roots for the Sun. – submitted by hannibaldelarge
We could stop using the letter “m”, but that would be isguided and oronic. – submitted by h3ybulld0g
There is a tribe in Paupa New Guinea where, when a hunger flaunts his success to the rest of the village, they kill him and drive away evil spirits with a drum made out of his skin. – submitted by jahsi
Never make fun of Meemaw. – submitted by Shazzyb
There’s a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunatly, you have to be a visionary to see it. – submitted by bridgeingthegap
We built a wall. – submitted by athannah
We built the pyramids! – submitted by athannah
I need to find out where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas hideth the Toad of Truth. – submitted by vengefulgeek
Sheldon might be a robot. – submitted by stupor and takemefayechamberlain
Calling everyone “Sweetie” makes you a tramp. – submitted b Suki-t
If Sheldon banishes you, just go tell his mom. – submitted by showmearaesongivemeasign
Halo nights are 8pm, on Wednesday. – submitted by snapit-loveit
Dentists have a really high suicide rate. Not quite as high as air traffic controllers, but there are more dentists than air traffic controllers, so in pure numbers, dentists are still winning. – submitted by Anonymous
Buying tampons in bulk instead of each month is a smart financial investment. – submitted by whaleyouloveme and takemefayechamberlain
Sheldon’s like a baby deer. You gotta let him come to you. –submitted by vile-little-creatures
Never play the enchanted bunny. – submitted by your2ndbrain
In the nerd world, Raj, Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon are the cool people. – submitted by intellectualbadass101
Apparently you can’t hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother. –submitted by bridgeingthegap
When you understand the laws of physics, anything is possible. – submitted by vile-little-creatures and embracethemoonlight
Sheldon is a fan of anything that tries to replace human contact. – submitted by skinny-ballerina
If you only have one day in L.A, make it a train day. –submitted by Shazzyb
I’m transcending the situation. I’m clearly evolved for driving. – submitted by bja717
If not having a girlfriend becomes a reason to not play Dungeons and Dragons, the game is in serious jeopardy. – submitted by Anonymous
Adhesive ducks can save lives. – submitted by athannah
“There, there.” – submitted by lanaazie
Obviously you’re not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candyland would be more your speed. – submitted by your2ndbrain
The math suggests that in a few number of universes, Sheldon is a clown made of candy. But in none of them is he dancing. – submitted by the-flying-cub-cup
Sheldon came with a manual. – submitted by neprasiman
The dice will decide. – submitted by iamaboremostly
If Will Wheaton says his meemaw is dead, don’t believe him. –submitted by danceismyantidrug
“The Miller’s Tale” by Chaucer is the dirtiest story Amy knows. It would have been hidden in sock drawers if people in the 14th century had worn socks. –submitted by tcmixtape
Meemaw calls Sheldon moonpie because he is nummy nummy and she could just eat him up. – submitted by my-anchor-is-coffee
Sandy B. always brings it. –submitted by Anonymous
“I don’t know what to say” – submitted by geniusiapplaudyou
Not lima beans, carbon atoms. –submitted by Anonymous
Only Sheldon knows the real reason why humans have an appendix. –submitted by chippa13
If you make a mark in a mint comic book, it’s no longer mint. –submitted by Anonymous
Raj has the upper body strength of a Keebler elf. –submitted by 4missdelaney2
I am the master of my own bladder. –submitted gy prtumsntntia
Male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money. –submitted by dancingonrooftops
Friday is vintage game night. –submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
That’s how we roll in the Shire. –submitted by Anonymous
Tubs are slippery. –submitted by samanthasaurus-rex
Ta-dah is short for da-da-da-daaaaaah. –submitted by nobodyknowsnina
I only drink hot chocolate on months with “r” in it. –submitted by kellaykroyd
The bus won’t let you latch yourself to the seat with bungee cords. –submitted by ditzixmitzi
Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock is the way to solve all problems. –submitted by intellectualbadass101
Amy doesn’t have a boyfriend, she has a Sheldon. –submitted by kvetylicious
Attention is what birds want. –submitted by mourntheliving
What happens in costume at Comic Con, stays at Comic Con. –submitted by boys-should-kiss-boys-more and butwhenitsbrokeitsperfect
35 adults or 70 children is generally considered enough people to trample you. –submitted by make-cakes-not-horcruxes
Monkeys look way cooler when they smoke. –submitted by chippa13
The iconic heart shape isn’t based on an actual heart, its based on what a woman’s ass looks like bending over. –submitted by your2ndbrain
After Sheldon had dinner, played some games, and then spent the night with Penny, he had a much better understanding of “friends with benefits” –submitted by stephford101
“Not knowing is part of the fun”, may or may not have been the motto of Penny’s community college. –submitted by Anonymous
Level 3 and she think she’s rich. What a noob. –submitted by bja727
2nd is the most popular street name. –submitted by erinlooovesyou
There’s nothing more important than Wii bowling. –submitted by Anonymous
The tinier the train, the more concentrated the fun. –submitted by pleasedontmakefunofme
Artichokes are just giant thistles. –submitted by Smmargotta
“He drank from Leonard’s glass” – the words that will be carved into Sheldon’s tombstone. –submitted by daniii-xo
Every Jacuzzi is a hot tub, but not every hot tub is a Jacuzzi. –submitted by myweirdobsessions
If someone wants to get Missy’s fallopian tubes, they have to go through Sheldon. –submitted byshowmearaesongivemeasign
No Shirt.
No Shoes.
No Sheldon. –submitted by prtumsntntia
Internet kissing. –submitted by Anonymous
Sheldon had a minor epiphany regarding the polymer degradation phenomenon while scraping congealed nachos off a plate. –submitted by thefluxvoice
Everyone in India says “I’d love that” the same way. –submitted by hannahbecca3
Psychics and ghosts are real, and crystals don’t work. Voodoo is real too. You don’t mess with voodoo. –submitted by takemyfayechamberlain
It all started with a big bang. BANG! –submitted by lyricalromantics
You participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality. –submitted by danceismyantidrug
When we deceive we make Jesus cry. –submitted by I-love-beanie and Anonymous
Howard is the sword master. –submitted by samanthasaurus-rex
If it bites you in the tush, you can tell your doctor, but not Sheldon. –submitted by sarhattxchristian
Nothing sours a friendship more than over-familiarity with someone’s toilet routine. –submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
Smart? I would have to lose 60 IQ points to be considered “smart”! – submitted by prtrumsntntia
Ebola never mixed with the common cold. Just ask Bernadette. –submitted by twistedbipolarbitch
If you pass out on the bus, someone will harvest your organs. –submitted by dancingonrooftops
Sheldon is improbable. Having French toast on oatmeal day? That would be impossible. –submitted by function-of-a-rubber-duck
Three person chess cannot be played with two people. –submitted on alexisgilman
Believe in magic, you muggle!! –submitted by athannah
Coitus. –submitted by missamywilliams
Indian food in India is called food. –submitted by ispeakmyawesomemind
Sheldon is a scientist, not a hippie. –submitted by anonymous
Don’t knock on Penny’s door before 11am or she will punch you in the throat. –submitted by itsmylifeyourjustinit
One should never drive down Euclid Avenue. –submitted by Anonymous
Aquaman sucks fish pee. –submitted by roses-and-secret-lives
The most frightening thing about that sentence is the missing comma. –submitted by yevangsimplified
Ah, memory impairment; the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle. –submitted by nataliesmind
KMN = Kill Me Now –submitted by roses-and-secret-lives
The Wolowitz Coefficient.—submitted by ana-dee
Using the drake equation plus the Wolowitz coefficient, you can calculate how many girls will want you in a 40 mile radius. –submitted by weakatheart
Women wear high heels to make their buttocks and breasts more prominent – submitted by h3ybulld0g
The cheese on a Turkey-Roast-Beef-Lettuce and Cheese Sandwich must be adjacent to the bread because if the lettuce was next to the bread then the bread would be soffy due to the liquid from the lettuce –submitted by intellectualbadass101
Being stupid is no reason to cry, one cries because one is sad. Sheldon cries because others are stupid, and that makes him sad. –submitted by the-flying-cub-cup
My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user friendly than Windows Vista. I do not like that. –submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
I saved a nun’s life, why am I being punished? –submitted by nataliesmind
Leonard and Penny’s babies will be smart and beautiful. Not to mention imaginary. –submitted by athannah
Give me some sugar, bestie. –submitted by nataliesmind
Sheldon has Vulcan hearing. –submitted by pixxiesstixx
If I’m permitted to speak again…Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win. –submitted by Optimistprime
There are always do-overs when Wolowitz’s people play sports. –submitted by anonymous
The number 73 is the Chuck Norris of numbers. –submitted by athannah
Sheldon is the William Shatner of Theoretical Physics. –submitted by anonymous
AFK = Away From Keyboard. –submitted by prtumsntntia
Jumba Juice is for heroes. –submitted by pinkforgirls
Halle Berry is Sheldon’s fifth favorite Catwoman. She also played a fine mutant in the X-men movies, but she’s not his favorite. -submitted by dancingonrooftops
When going to a movie theater, be sure to find the acoustic sweet spot. –submitted by rayray-I
There was a tall man from Cornwall whose length exceeded his bed.“My body fits on it
but barely fits upon it there’s no room for my big Cornish head.” –submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
If you can lean, you can clean. –submitted by anonymous
Sheldon is one lab accident away from being a super villan. –submitted by illdiesearchingforit
Luminous fish nightlights are a billion dollar idea. –submitted by shadowancepenguin
You can’t blow up the moon with a laser. –submitted by jovialvernacular
Blink twice if you’re being held against your will. –submitted by anonymous
You are so not the guy. –submitted by nataliesmind
Chickens are by no means timid. –submitted by amandasaidhello
You can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can’t make your mother fry it. –submitted by anonymous
In 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter. –submitted by carolineh10, elementalmonsoon, and areyougonnamissmeornot
This is not the Matrix, because the food would be better. –submitted by theoristgleekbelieber
Code Milky Green: Run and Hide. –submitted by rhayerick
When Sheldon thinks real hard, it smells like bacon. –submitted by nataliesmind
For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. –submitted by stepford101
Raj still can’t talk to penny, even after they had intercourse. –submitted by juliavu
Offering someone a hot beverage is not optional. –submitted by anonymous
I suggest we treat our relationship as if it were a crashed computer and restore it to the last point we both agree it worked. –submitted by nataliesmind
The plural for coccyx is coccyges. –submitted by embracethemoonlight
When someone is about to drink and drive, take their keys and make them wander the streets with all the other drunks. –submitted by bigbangtheCrist
“Sheldon, can I ask you a question?” “With your community education, I encourage you to ask questions.” –submitted by kemalove13
My house tried to kill me, and I am not the master of my own bladder. –submitted by prtumsntntia
Get your women in line! –submitted by nataliesmind
You can only fish for so long before you gotta throw a stick of dynamite in the water. –submitted by thedoctorinadoctorsuit
Sheldon is going to buy “Jesus take the wheel” on iTunes. –submitted by i-love-beanie
There is nothing interesting about caves. –submitted by clockwork-silence
Penny was the milk thief –submitted by escurrio
If penny quits waitressing, Sheldon won’t know who prepares his cheeseburger on Tuesday. –submitted by anonymous
The Skank Reflex. –submitted by noordinarygirl123
Amy and Sheldon sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. –submitted by nataliesmind
Beyonce is curvy and she owns it. –submitted by itswhiteboy
The dark knight has your back, he’s scared, but he’s got your back. –submitted by jutterybugglitterbug
Three way chess is pretty easy. Well not really. –submitted by juliavu
Rabbits have their scrotum in the front of their penis. –submitted by your2ndbrain
Stars are pretty, aren’t they? –submitted by roses-and-secret-lives
The replica of the Sword of Excalibur gives you the right to rule a replica of England. –submitted by nataliesmind
Once you have an inclined plane, the force required to lift is reduced exactly by half. –submitted by jovialvernacular
Im not ignoring my sister, I’m ignoring all of you. –submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
Sexual arousal is a cross we all must bare –submitted by nataliesmind
Raj doesn’t know what accent Barry Kripkee has. –submitted by intllectualbadass101
Leonard and Sheldon can’t even carry a TV. –submitted by shadowancepenguin
Self-respect and a hymen are better friends and fun. –submitted by dancingonrooftops
Always look on the bottom of jugs. –submitted by wlovepierce
Once a roommate agreement is signed, it is final, and to question it is at your own risk. –submitted by anonymous
Leonard’s sex talk. –submitted by chosenheart
The three most mind-numbing, pedestrian jobs conceivable are: a tollbooth attendant, an Apple Store genius, and what Penny dose. –submitted by athannah
Cornstarch + Water + Bass Speakers = non-Newtonian dancing fluid and/or solid. -dcdlove
Oh, Penny! I hurt so bad. –submitted by nataliesmind
Its hard to say no to YooHoo, the name literally beckons. –submitted by nataliesmind
Ricky’s an ass. –sbmitted by onequartercanadian
Prevening. –submitted by jovialvernacular
//AFK// Sheldor’s now online //AFK// Sheldor’s now online. –submitted by mylightisfound
The wand is showmanship and the beep is none of your business. –submitted by anonymous
And you want me to kill her? Done. –submitted by nataliesmind
Men love Bluetooth. –submitted by mylightisfound
What is Mrs. Riley’s chicken? The chicken owned by Mrs. Riley. –submitted by ditzixmitzi
It’s a senior center, we’d never put Meemaw in a home. –submitted by tasialynn2011
It’s okay if you serve soup to poor people. –submitted by bigbangtheCrist
The “cheesecake factory” has hamburgers. –submitted by darkhorse99
Physics started on a warm day in Greece. –submitted by milbery-juice
According to Sheldon, people can have fun the wrong way. –submitted byditzixmitzi
The great thing about Shelmart is that Sheldon owns it so he gets a 15% discount. –submitted by anonymous
Howard knows a lot of doctors. –submitted by particularlynoble
Sheldon is a scientist; he never apologizes for the truth. –submitted by athannah
You need a basic understanding of differential calculus and algebraic topology to understand Sheldon’s jokes. –submitted by anonymous
There is a lot of harm in trying something new, that’s why we test our drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits. –submitted by particularlynoble.
You can try, but you’ll never catch me. –submitted by athannah
Bazinga punk, now we’re even. –submitted by anonymous
When it comes to DNA, bath gifts aren’t enough. –submitted by wlovepierce
Its not the Wesley Crushers, it’s the Wesley Crushers. –submitted by anonymous
Two grown men would look silly with a hobbit’s dagger. –submitted by particularlynoble
Wil Wheaton is the most EVIL person man out there. –submitted by anonymous
If the children can’t run, leave them behind. –submitted by ohwenderS and anonymous
Whimsical adhesive ducks can hold umbrellas AND prevent you from dislocating your shoulder in the tub. –submitted by sabzab
It’s ok if Bernadette steals suede boots from the donation dumpster because she feeds soup to homeless people. –submitted by getting-fit-for-me
Sheldon’s idea of a good wife always has iced tea and cookies. –submitted by anonymous
A hug from Sheldon is a major accomplishment. –submitted by chippa13
The spare is the Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. –submitted by ana-dee
If there were Solar flares, Raj would be all up in it. –submitted by anonymous
Chair lice is bad. –submitted by godessofgoddesshair
Sheldon’s laugh. –submitted by ataliny
A dogapus can play fetch with eight balls and no one can hate that. –submitted by nohuhu
There was this girl in high school who always got good grades, so Penny tied her up and left her in a corn field. –submitted by getting-fit-for-me
Sheldon likes spaghetti with little hot dogs. –submitted by popculturenolongerappliestome
Operation Priya, wouldn’t wanna be ya. –submitted by shelobs-lair
Always take spare glasses when Sheldon is sick. –submitted by wlovepierce
Do not use the bathroom is there is a wet band-aid on the floor. –submitted by andi-roo91
The internet is no place for the truth. –submitted by alfhildr
It’s a trap! –submitted by theoristgleekblieber
A group of cats is called a clouder or a glaring. –submitted by anonymous and strwberryfieldsforever
Howard is not a doctor. –submitted by anonymous
Penny calls everyone Sweetie. –submitted by chippa13
Come for the breast, stay for the brain. –submitted by lovejumparsons
Christmas tree = spider infested fire hazard. –submitted by tbbtshamy
Bernadette is nice to everyone. –submitted by chippa13 and pojaivilo
In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, Uganda won the Second World War. –submitted by anonymous
Women; can’t live with ‘em, can’t successfully refute their hypotheses. –submitted by ana-dee
Leonard is a quarter of an inch taller than Howard, and don’t you forget it. –submitted by thedragonchilde
Amy Farrah Fowler and Sheldon have the genetic material that has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow. –submitted by anonymous
When Raj calls Wolowitz’s phone, it plays “Brown Eyed Girl” –submitted by anonymous
Toilet is a little vulgar for the dinner table, but potty is innocent and adorable. –submitted by greatleapingocelots
Sheldon is always right. –submitted by chynna18rawrr
Sheldon looks like a praying mantis. –submitted by anonymous
It’s impossible to not sneak up on a deaf person. –submitted by thelovelylittlelies
You can have soup delivered. –submitted by elloheartacheandtragedy
Sheldon can’t keep secrets. –submitted by anonymous
Labradoodles have sex appeal. –submitted by ana-dee
